There’s not enough room in the kitchen cupboards.
However, I’m almost positive that nearly getting beaned every time I open a door to fetch a plate has nothing to do with the oval, pale pink, melamine bowl I got at a garage sale for 50 cents last Saturday.
It belongs with the vintage pink, melamine salt-and-pepper shakers that our friend, Safety Bob, gave us…er, me, last summer.
Ditto the custard-yellow platter. And the darling celery-green serving bowl. But, that’s not why there’s not enough room in the cupboards. I’m sure of it.
Here are 10 ways Practical Man and I differ when it comes to what should be in the cupboards:
1. He likes utilitarian things.
I like, uh…things.
2. He says stuff like, “the right tool for the right job”.
I say stuff like, “I don’t know what I’ll use this (vintage drinking straw dispenser) for, but I love it!”
3. He buys staple foods (on sale, of course) like oats, coffee and veggies from The List.
I don’t buy food (can’t be trusted to stick to The List). Consequently, I need a GPS and several stock boys to find anything in the grocery store.
4. He uses things like cheese slicers because they are safe.
I cut myself regularly because using anything but a knife to slice cheese would never occur to me.
5. He buys the gigantic jars of spices (because they’re cheaper).
I would like him to buy the gigantic bags of chocolate chips (I’m sure they’re cheaper).
7. He buys 32 different kinds of herbal tea to try to entice me to drink it.
I only drink tea under duress because most of it tastes like 32 different kinds of grass clippings (chocolate chai grass clippings, mint grass clippings, lemon zinger grass clippings…).
8. He likes using a kitchen scale when he’s dividing up the leftovers to put in the freezer.
I prefer to stay far away from anything remotely resembling a scale (see earlier note about Wispa bars).
9. He uses a meat slicer to slice the giant summer sausage from our favourite Mennonite store.
I cut myself regularly because using anything but a knife to slice summer sausage would never occur to me.
10. He thinks meat slicers, scales and cheese slicers are very practical.
I think they’re the reason we have no room in the cupboard.
I’m almost positive.